Taken from PostSecret.

This card reminds me of a childhood memory. When I was in primary school I used to go to Sekolah Agama (religious school) in the afternoon. I've always treated Sekolah Agama as some sort of playground instead of a place where I'm supposed to learn stuff about my religion. The school that I went to had this decent sized field at the back and right at the end of the field was this small hutan belukar (I can't think of the translation in English. Sorry).

Me and my friends used to explore this hutan belukar and that was when I first encountered pitcher plants (periuk kera). And it was the only time I saw pitcher plants in the wild. Our imagination also went wild when we explored the area... with us conjuring up stories of people being murdered and raped there and what not. Funny how we can imagine stuff like that yet still be 'ignorant' enough to continue exploring the place.

Some kind of weird plant also grows in the school field. It doesn't look like much..just like a typical weed but when you uproot the plant... the root smells of mint, specifically it smells like minyak cap kapak. And there's also this tiny plant with tiny tiny fruits that look like belimbing (star fruit) and even tastes a bit like belimbing too.

Hmm... funny how I can remember these but can't remember a single thing I learnt in Sekolah Agama. Mwahahahahahhaha..

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A storm is brewing. I can smell the impending rain. The sounds of thunder getting louder. Car alarms are starting to go off, disturbed by the vibrations made by mother nature. My kind of night.

I wish I could be somewhere near the beach now. Smelling the salty air, letting the strong wind blow in my face. Watching the waves become angrier at each passing second. My kind of moment.

Let the wind blow away the memories. Let the rain wash away my sins.

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Stranded in this spooky town
Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down
This floor is crackling cold
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven by the strangled vein
Showing no mercy I do it again
Open up your eye
You keep on crying, baby
I’ll bleed you dry
The skies are blinking at me
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer

You, shimmy shook my bone
Leaving me stranded all in love on my own
What do you think of me
Where am I now? Baby where do I sleep
Feel so good but I'm old,
2000 years of chasing taking its toll

And it’s coming closer

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Tired.
The mind is tired. The heart even more.

A time off from work would be much appreciated. But hmm... when I analyze my feelings further, it's not about work in general. There are some interesting projects coming up. It's the daily stuff that I hate.

In my personal life, I need a break from myself.
I wonder what should I do to see myself the way my friends see me. I look in the mirror and all I feel is hate.

Keep busy. I need to keep busy. I need to surround myself with people. I need to do a lot of activities. I need to forget. At least for a little while. Buy myself time before I truly go insane.

Must not forget God.

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This was a pretty funny weekend. A couple of friends invited me to join them for a steamboat dinner at Sunway. The dinner was fabulous with me stuffing myself silly with an array of seafood and some BBQ chicken wings. After dinner we played many, many, many rounds of pool. I am proud to say that I didn't lose all the time although I have yet to beat the masters (sorry Neeney... I can beat your behind at pool now, mwahahahahahaha).

AJ and Hani enjoying their seafood

We only stopped playing pool when it was almost closing time (about 3am) and decided to hang out at a mamak place. Two of my friends stay at Kepong, so we all decided to hang out somewhere in Kepong (we only drove one car) before sending them back home. Things were going peachy in the car with us singing along loudly to some 80s music when all of a sudden the car stalled.

Neeney showing her (lack of) skills in trying to prise open a crab.

Me trying to (lamely) express that I have had too much to eat

The good news is it was in the wee hours of the morning and there was hardly any traffic. The bad news is it was in the wee hours of the morning and there are no workshops open. Anyway, to cut a long story short we called AAM and got the car battery changed. Thank god for AAM and credit cards. With the minor car problem solved we proceeded to hang out at a mamak place (good thing the car broke down near a mamak place) and chatted until it was 7.30am. Only then did we send the two friends back to their place.

Neeney and I had breakfast first (well, Neeney watched me eating breakfast is more like it) and then we parted ways. I slept from 9am and woke up for a short bit at noon. Then continued sleeping until 7pm. The result? Now I'm wide awake and I can't sleep. Tomorrow's a working day. Shoot. Hmm... maybe I can get some sweat out by exercising and hopefully I'll be tired enough to sleep.

But heck. We all had fun last night. Many thanks to AJ and Hani for the fantastic dinner and rounds of pool.

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Yet another bout of blogger's block is here. It is not for the lack of stories to tell. But the head and heart are numb. Is it possible that feeling too much emotion at one go would result in a person being emotion-less.

I'm going through the motions on auto-pilot nowadays. No sense of thinking. Thinking just triggers feelings. Feelings just trigger dark thoughts.

Anyone with a bit of common sense would say that I've done the right thing. I am heading towards the light. But why do I feel so dark inside? Hopefully this is just a case of things will get worse before it gets better.

In order to be loved, you first need to love yourself. What must I do to treat myself better? When you wake up everyday with your heart filled with self-loathing, is there still hope for you?

Hope. I hope this is just a serious bout of PMS.

It's too late now. Everything's said and done.

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When you're a twiglet with low body fat percentage like me (last time I checked I consist of 11% bodyfat), chances are you'd be flat-chested. Yes, yes. Let's assume you're a woman.

When I was a teenager being flat-chested was pretty darn cool because I could engage in a lot of physical activities without worrying about having my boobs getting in the way of stuff. I look at my friends with Dolly Parton-like breasts and never once have I felt envy. Most of the time I kind of feel sorry for them because when you're still schooling and already have boobs that rival porn stars, you get ridiculed pretty often. Cruel, but true.

As I grow older though, I wish I wore a bigger cup size because there are some clothes that don't fit me nicely because I'm obviously cup size-challenged. There are well meaning friends who adviced me to buy push up bras. But when you don't have much to push up, buying those kind of bras are pretty much a bad investment, me thinks. I once told my friends I shouldn't waste my cash buying bras. Nipple plasters should do the trick.

But then again, most clothes fit me well. My butt is pretty perky which compensates for the lack of errr... upper body humps. And I don't get rude stares. And I can be physically active without the boobs getting in the way. I won't get backaches because my body can't handle the size of my breasts and I can pretty much do some wall climbing without worrying that my boobs would painfully graze on the hand and foot rests.

Why this sudden post about boobs? I've no idea. Must be the meds.

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